


Afflicting attachment

by idontshipiyatch



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Divergence - Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008), Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27923884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idontshipiyatch/pseuds/idontshipiyatch
Summary: “I would put your life before anyone else's, where I’m from that’s called love not an issue.”
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 8
Kudos: 88





	Afflicting attachment

**Author's Note:**

> “The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” ― G.K. Chesterton

Spotting him on the terrace, Anakin grabs a blanket on his way, easily guessing his former Master’s tunic mustn’t be of great comfort against the chill of the night.

Light in his steps, he knows Obi-Wan senses him even before he slides the door to slip out into the cold with him, but the other Jedi doesn’t peep a word.

Focus remaining on the flow of lights creating the sight Anakin gawked at on his first night in their new chambers, Obi-Wan offers him a short nod of gratitude after the younger man wraps the plush fabric around his shoulders, but his silence endures.

Settling next to his companion, Anakin wonders if the other General even registers the faint buzz of the city coming up to the temple in frequent flickers of noises.

“Do you ever get tired?” he eventually asks once his eyes tire of the scenery to trace a familiar line to the freckled features still strikingly pale in the darkness.

Not glancing at him, Obi-Wan adjusts the fabric around his frame. “Don’t we all?”

Slightly strained, Anakin discards the attempt of casual humor peeking in the reply and opts for bluntness, eager to explore the honesty his partner’s fatigued state hints at. “I mean of the war.”

A pause, one that wouldn’t have lasted so long had he chosen another time to bring up the subject. “My point stands,” hums his former Master, but Anakin won’t settle for the polished surface of rehearsed opinions tonight. “Tired enough to quit?”

“No.” Quicker answer, he tames a smile and continues, “Why not?”

“We have a duty, Anakin, and an opportunity to fulfill it.” The lecturing tone hiding behind the syllables doesn’t properly form, but it’s enough to stir a nostalgia he skims past with a fondness he keeps out of his tone when he retorts, “Other people can.”

“Other people could,” concedes Obi-Wan, and amusement briefly coats the tip of his tongue, but it fades into the crisp air when he carries on, “But if not us then who? Passing the burden onto others won’t save the innocents trapped in the battles we, unlike them, are prepared to fight.”

“Our men die too,” he points out, and the touch of broken helmets and bloodied blasters ghosts against his palms. “What good are we to people dead?”

He knows Obi-Wan can relate to the ache of watching companions of arms fall, his former Master grew accustomed to the feeling before he did. “It’s a risk we should take.”

“Why?” Pettiness bubbles behind his teeth. “We’re Jedi, not soldiers.”

The insistence pops Obi-Wan’s stern facade with a sigh, reminiscence of a curiosity the Jedi thought his former apprentice would never drench. “The Force has us wearing the badge of both, Anakin, trying to tear it off won’t change that fact.”

Lips nearly quirking up at the faint exasperation coating the statement, he pushes forward. “You didn’t sign up to be a soldier.”

No amused huff welcomes the declaration, and the hilarity beginning to bloom in his chest falters at the lack of banter hearing Obi-Wan’s tired tone. “I chose this path to do good, Anakin.”

“Good gets blood everywhere.” Fast with his words as he is with his saber, he feels somewhat comforted that even slouched shoulders aren’t enough to truly trouble Obi-Wan’s thoughts. “It also spares a lot of it.”

Exhaustion in his partner’s limbs, he sees it in his stance but his goal maintains the edges of his replies sharp. “Not enough.”

This time Obi-Wan sighs and the sound puffs out with the first flecks of surrender. “What would you have me do then?”

Ideas flood his mind, the ones he conjured in the deafening midst of horrors engulfing battlefields, the ones he soothed his head with when sleep escaped his grasp, the ones he’s been adding pieces to since he first wondered what kind of puzzle Obi-Wan and he could make together.

“Rest,” he simply declares, and the softness of the request darts light blue to his face. “And live before a blaster cuts short your dedication to saving any life we encounter.”

A saddened smile brushes the lips then parting with a reminder he readies himself to wrestle, “I am living, and we should strive to save as many as we can while we do, Anakin.”

Plenty aware that his impulse to refute rules has often been one for causing Obi-Wan a stress refusing his former Master entrance to a peaceful mind, he still doesn’t back down. “Not every life is worth putting yourself in danger.”

Slight tension spreads at the claim.“As a General, perhaps,” carefully concedes his companion, “But as a Jedi you should not let the thought linger.”

Pleased to notice some hints at a compromise, Anakin launches his offensive with renewed boldness. “Why not?” he taunts, keen to rattle a composure that so often pushes Obi-Wan’s life on the line. “After everything we’ve been through you know not every life has the same value.”

“Anakin-” Not quite loud enough to display genuine intent to make him stop, he ignores the interruption with what he knows might just tip the tide in his favor. “Even the Council follows this principle. Do you think they would put my life on the line over another?”

Silenced by the argument, Obi-Wan isn’t granted a chance to counter it

“No, they wouldn’t. Because at the end of the day they still deem mine more valuable.” Shaking his head, his former Master adds volume to his conviction when he speaks, “When the chance presents itself to save another, you should not turn a blind eye. Ever.”

There is truth in Obi-Wan’s words, but the purity of this ideal faded with the blood of all the men he lost in battles over the years. “The perils of another weigh lighter than those of my companions.”

“They shouldn’t.” Almost snappy in his reply, Anakin can feel his efforts to unlock the diligence of his former Master to the stern Order grow closer to bearing their fruits. “But they do.”

Obi-Wan stops looking his way. “Do you see why attachments are forbidden, Anakin? The Code is supposed to prevent problems like this.”

Scolded many times on the subjects, this may be the night he finally wins.

“It’s not a problem,” he declares, already guessing what path Obi-Way will choose to take to regain the upper hand. “It would hinder your objectivity in a mission, it sounds like a problem to me.”

Unfazed, Anakin almost smiles, thrilled to notice the belief usually coating the statement eroded by the other Jedi’s posture tensing again. “I would put your life before anyone else's, where I’m from that’s called love not an issue.”

“Your mission comes first, Anakin,” reminds Obi-Wan, but the younger man’s heart beats with the haste of impending victory. “My mission is meaningless if it costs your life,” he declares, voice more steady than the fireworks bursting in his chest seeing his companion’s defenses falter.

“I’m not the one who should hold your focus,” sighs his former Master, but the reprimand lowers into a whisper that Anakin promptly dismisses with the fervor carving his syllables when he retorts, “But you do, and you can’t change that.”

He’s never been so close to reaching Obi-Wan’s heart, he knows it.

“What will you do the day I pass then?” The question hurts, even more than it does when it haunts his bad dreams or screams into the ache of his head when the world becomes too much to bear. “Detachment is a shield against loss, Anakin, one you of all people should know how to wield.”

Drops of the turmoil that once almost took over the flow of his very veins resurface, but with his eyes set on the faint blush dusting Obi-Wan’s cheeks from the cold, he finds it easy to appease what his companion taught him not to let evolve into ravaging storms. “Detachment wasn’t what helped me grieve my mother, you did.”

Obi-Wan can’t deny that, Code or not, but even faith in the idea doesn’t affect the satisfaction popping between his ribs when his former Master doesn’t even attempt to. “Our fight is larger than a single individual.”

Rerouted to the bigger picture, he guides their focus back on a smaller scale. “Then why am I special?” He might sound like a child, and as he phrases the inquiry he can tell Obi-Wan likely thinks the same.

But while his curiosity endured, he is no longer a youngling pushed too soon into the care of a Jedi still in the grasp of youth himself, and Obi-Wan doesn’t have to pretend like it’s his role to be able to solve every riddle Anakin throws at him.

“Force knows I would happily provide you all the answers if I had them, Anakin,” he declares, fondness and fatigue battling in his tone, “But I don’t.”

Triumph tickles his lips, and he licks them before they part to let out his final wave of offense to break down Obi-Wan’s barriers. “Exactly. You don’t know if saving one person will make a difference, you don’t know when this war will end or if we’ll make it through alive.”

Some nights the prospect scares him, to his core and more, he lays awake praying for a solution to these endless fights and mercy to outlive the bloodshed.

“Anakin-”

Shifting to fully face Obi-Wan, he’s glad to have adored blue staring back when he cuts him off to finish pleading his case. “Nothing around us is sure, not our future, not our allies, not our lives.”

He resists the urge to touch, unwilling to let impatience ruin what he waited so long to achieve. “But attachment? That’s real, that’s solid and it’s stupid to forbid the only thing that can give us the courage to carry on.”

Obi-Wan doesn’t say anything. Maybe he knows, maybe he’s known before Anakin even had the lucidity to think about addressing the fire that steadily grew since he realized the bond between them isn’t one he’ll ever be ready to let go of.

“I love you,” he says, and the words kindle sheer delight in the heart he opens to the man sitting next to him. “And fighting will become meaningless if you’re not by my side, justice for the galaxy or not.”

No surprise even flashes across the features he dreams of when his subconscious allows him to step into a momentary slice of paradise.

“Anakin, we can’t.”

Too soft-toned to stir doubt about the reciprocity of his offered feelings, he nods and takes Obi-Wan’s hand in his. “Yes, we can,” he assures, “We can live and love, we deserve it as much as the people we might die saving.”

Obi-Wan’s palm is cold from the night air, but he doesn’t retract it when the metal of Anakin’s hand brushes against it. “I almost lost sight of that a few times, but I don’t want to fight out of hatred,” he confesses, “I want to fight for you, for us.”

He holds his gaze and presses a kiss on the pale knuckles. “I want to fight to give the galaxy a future free of terror, free of pain, one we get to have too once this is all over.”

His heart feels light in spite of the apprehension thrumming in his system. “I’m attached to you as you are to me,” he declares, and relief floods his mind when the statement softens the slight furrow of Obi-Wan’s brow.

“What we have is what gives me the strength to keep going, let us enjoy it to the fullest.” The corners of his mouth quirk up hearing the faint huff of fond amusement his phrasing prompts. “Please, Obi-Wan, we already sacrifice so much, don’t let the Code forbid the one good thing we can hold onto.”

He wonders if Obi-Wan can hear the hints of despair in his voice. If he can tell how terribly he longs to find comfort in the arms he can now gather enough courage to call home. “Let me love you.” Can he sense how badly he craves to find meaning in the eyes he always seeks first in a crowd?

Maybe he does, he muses when the barest press on his hand confirms what he’s been dreaming to turn into reality.

No, he corrects when his lips at last meet his companion’s, Obi-Wan definitely knows. He knows and he shares, and Anakin couldn’t doubt it even if he wanted to because he feels it in the euphoria flickering in the Force around them when he kisses him again.

**Author's Note:**

> the idea popped in my mind a while back and i wanted to give obikin another go after all the changes my writing's been through over the past months so boom, random one shot for u
> 
> hope you liked it
> 
> 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔰 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔣𝔬𝔬𝔡 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔬𝔲𝔩
> 
> 🖼️ [story moodboard](https://www.instagram.com/p/CIear3flN8f/)  
> 📍 [where to find me](https://mooniv.carrd.co/)  
>   
> D.


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